Post-travel (to be updated)

So, I was reading the description of this event about a trip to Siwa on New Year’s eve. And part of the description went like, “…don’t ask about what we’re going to do there, ask what we WON’T be doing there!!”

My face just went blank with that overly enthusiastic description. I thought to myself I could go and just skip whatever activities they will be doing, also, i felt like,”Maaaaan, how old am I to be thinking that way?!”

These days (especially since I’ve been back from my portugal trip) I really feel like i just want to sit in a secluded place by myself, with my thoughts and try and figure out what I feel like doing next.
I avoided using the word ‘should’ because what I SHOULD be doing is stay at my job and go up the ladder as my senior told me a few days ago that she’s expecting me to get a better ranking within just a couple of months. And another option for the ‘Should’ if I’m not liking that first one is accept that other job offer that seems more exciting because it’s more related to what I really want to do (or what I THINK I want to do).
But since I’m not feeling both of those ‘should’ options, I feel like I need some time to myself, and there’s this thing about secluded/new places where you are closer to nature and you might magically figure out what you next step in life should be. Though saying ‘Life’ is such a big word, let’s just say, my next step for this year.

I’m really confused about what I should be doing because I know what i feel like doing, but something doesn’t feel right about it, maybe because quitting your job, workawaying for 3 to 4 months, first in Egypt then heading over to Asia for the rest of the remaining time and hoping to come across someone or something that lands this perfect plan in front of me isn’t much of a plan. But that tiny, childishly optimistic part inside of me just keeps thinking that maybe when I’m out of my normal circle I might stumble across something that would turn into this moment when I’d say,”Why haven’t I thought of doing that before?!”

See you in a couple of months with an update (hopefully).

A “Too long for Twitter” post

It’s like people stopped caring but care that others should care about them.

And right now, in this moment I’m all “I don’t care, I need to be selfish now and process my thoughts, I’m sure others would understand” but there’s this tiny bit in your brain that is squeezing itself in that train of thought , telling you that they won’t understand and they might not necessarily forgive you because all they would see is that you don’t care enough about them and so they should do the same a put you aside, they won’t understand that you’re trying to understand YOURSELF.
They won’t understand that you need to be selfish at that moment that happens to be when they need you to proof your existence in their world.

If you yourself can’t figure out what’s going on with you, then how would others get it?

You hope they would, but I’m thinking they won’t.

What sucks the most is that an explanation is expected, people expect an explanation when something doesn’t go the way it should have (in their mind at least).
When someone doesn’t show up, when someone doesn’t interact.
But then why should I explain myself?
I should maintain my right to not have to explain an inner conflict and not wanting to interact with humans, shouldn’t I?

You from your eyes expect to not owe an explanation, while they see that an explanation is their right.

It all comes down to this.
People won’t get you, you wont get others and others wont get others; none of us is a mind-reader and predictions are based on personal thoughts not thoughts based on understanding/knowing the thoughts of that other person.

P.S. This is not an issue I’m facing in a “romantic” relationship.

The things… Things.

There are whole loads of things that I need to worry less about. They’re taking up much of my time, space in my mind and when I think of it, my spirit too. I don’t know how these things managed to creep up and take all of this huge space inside of me and how easily my emotions get tangled by them. I should start learning how to control them and constantly remind myself that these things are NOT important not just a thought that I would forget about the next day and continue my routine of getting caught in this non-sense that’s not gonna get me anywhere.

طب وبعدين؟

أول مرة أخدت القرار استعجلت فيه
 افتكرت إني هتبسط فـاستعجلت إني أتبسط
بس مش كل حاجة الواحد بيفتكرها بتطلع صح
ندمت إني استعجلت و اتضايقت
قلت خلاص مش مشكلة نعتبره درس نستفيد منه
فترة عدت وجه وقت قرار تاني يتاخد وافتكرت أول مرة بس قلت ده غير
وانبساطي خلاني برضه أستعجل
طب وبعدين…هنفضل على كده كتير ولا إيه؟

عجبًا

عجبًا لإهتمام يأتيك وأنت لم تطلُبه و إهتمام تطلُبه ولا يأتيك

عجبًا لِمَن سعى للاهتمام وإن ناله أخيرًا ملّ من كَثرَته

وعجبًا لِمَن سعى للإهتمام لكن لم يحصُل  عليه  وان جاءه متأخرًا رفَضه

عجبًا لأُناس يزورها السكون بدون سابق إنذار وأصبحوا كعابر السبيل الذي ترك أثاره على الرمال التي سرعان ماستختفي مع رياح الوقت

 وعجبًا لإهتمام كَرِهته ونَفَرت منه ولكن سُرعان مالاحقتك افضاله عليك فترجع رغمًا عنك وخطط الهروب لا تفارقك

عجبًا لمن كره الإهتمام وإذا فارقه نَدِم

وأكثر العجب لمن خلط الكلام بالإهتمام

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