It’s still a mess…

One day I’m searching for workaway opportunities, the next I’m looking for a master’s programs abroad in Germany, but what about Portugal?
The following evening I come across some art residency programs and after a few minutes I start questioning myself, why I’m still at work?!

Waking up, I think to myself why haven’t I sent my one-month notice to leave work yet? On the way to work, I start practicing what I will be saying to my seniors, my thoughts interrupted by those honking. At work, I don’t even know how I should feel.

I talk to my friends and they tell me to take things slowly and not to rush. And I’m not entirely sure what my mom thinks of all of these mood swings with me every other day after work, coming to her with a new plan.

Does work have to be stressful? That’s part of it. But, having a stressful job that I’m growing tired of and getting more responsibilities while in fact I want to get back to being in a new country, discovering it, Travelling solo isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and such. But knowing that I still want more of that adventurous life, with no routine makes me want to pause that job 10 to 6 ( actually 7 and 8) job.

But should I travel? or check an art residency program? or do my master’s? or is there some other plan that I haven’t discovered yet that I should be doing? What is the RIGHT move?

I don’t even know what I should be looking for…

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Post-travel (to be updated)

So, I was reading the description of this event about a trip to Siwa on New Year’s eve. And part of the description went like, “…don’t ask about what we’re going to do there, ask what we WON’T be doing there!!”

My face just went blank with that overly enthusiastic description. I thought to myself I could go and just skip whatever activities they will be doing, also, i felt like,”Maaaaan, how old am I to be thinking that way?!”

These days (especially since I’ve been back from my portugal trip) I really feel like i just want to sit in a secluded place by myself, with my thoughts and try and figure out what I feel like doing next.
I avoided using the word ‘should’ because what I SHOULD be doing is stay at my job and go up the ladder as my senior told me a few days ago that she’s expecting me to get a better ranking within just a couple of months. And another option for the ‘Should’ if I’m not liking that first one is accept that other job offer that seems more exciting because it’s more related to what I really want to do (or what I THINK I want to do).
But since I’m not feeling both of those ‘should’ options, I feel like I need some time to myself, and there’s this thing about secluded/new places where you are closer to nature and you might magically figure out what you next step in life should be. Though saying ‘Life’ is such a big word, let’s just say, my next step for this year.

I’m really confused about what I should be doing because I know what i feel like doing, but something doesn’t feel right about it, maybe because quitting your job, workawaying for 3 to 4 months, first in Egypt then heading over to Asia for the rest of the remaining time and hoping to come across someone or something that lands this perfect plan in front of me isn’t much of a plan. But that tiny, childishly optimistic part inside of me just keeps thinking that maybe when I’m out of my normal circle I might stumble across something that would turn into this moment when I’d say,”Why haven’t I thought of doing that before?!”

See you in a couple of months with an update (hopefully).

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